tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87400352007-05-22T06:45:51.545-07:00mskBlogger83125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-55289120528473968122007-05-22T06:45:00.000-07:002007-05-22T06:45:51.621-07:00

Why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. The witness was grand motherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs.Jones, do you know me?" She  responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly,

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-41239665086116755012007-05-22T03:45:00.000-07:002007-05-22T03:46:00.959-07:00

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.   Here is a guide to the point system:   SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed (+1) You make the bed, but forget

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-28280715992111344172007-05-22T01:35:00.000-07:002007-05-22T01:35:27.355-07:00

A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled. My wife quietly said, 'That's once'.""We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again. Once

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-74772668505472251812007-05-22T00:25:00.000-07:002007-05-22T00:26:16.127-07:00

Just One Glass of Alcohol a Day!!!

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-53335197077118844302007-05-22T00:19:00.000-07:002007-05-22T00:20:16.731-07:00

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.   My wife asks, "Do you know her?" "Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since." "My God!" says my wife, "Who would

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-81287305033798259102007-05-21T06:38:00.000-07:002007-05-21T06:39:07.910-07:00

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-11676697650910918712007-05-21T06:35:00.000-07:002007-05-21T06:35:24.181-07:00

During a visit to the mental asylum, avisitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or nota patient should be institutionalized. "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer ateaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use thebucket because it's

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-17484678463136235882007-05-21T06:32:00.000-07:002007-05-21T06:34:37.156-07:00

A woman is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment. She says: ''You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-10461752561788909512007-04-24T00:41:00.000-07:002007-04-24T00:43:15.876-07:00

A barber runs out of his shop and down to the nearest corner where a policeman is standing. "Officer," he asks, have you seen a man run by here in the last few minutes?" "No I haven't. What's the problem?" "The lousy cheat ran out of my shop without paying me!" "Does this fellow have any distinguishing features?" the officer asks. "Well, yes," the barber replies. "He's carrying one of his ears in

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-77578191305772685702007-02-13T23:33:00.000-08:002007-02-17T01:30:31.311-08:00

With a pile of 300 résumés on his desk and a need to pick someone quickly, my boss told me to make calls on the bottom 50 and toss the rest. "Throw away 250 résumés?" I asked, shocked. "What if the best candidates are in there?" "You have a point," he said. "But then again, I don't need people with bad luck here." - Becky Horowitz (Reader's digest)

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-1116873578281811462005-05-16T11:31:00.000-07:002006-12-30T07:24:05.610-08:00

A man, exiting a grocery store, was very surprised when a rathergood-looking and perky young lady greeted him cheerfully by saying "Good Evening."Her face was beaming. At least she was smiling until he gaveher that "Who are you?" look. He couldn't remember having ever seen her before. Then, she obviously realized that a mistake had been made and apologized. She explained, "Oh, I'm so sorry.

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-1098481783164504272004-10-22T14:49:00.000-07:002006-09-28T20:05:02.450-07:00

One evening recently, a mother entered her daughter's bedroom to discover it empty. As she looked around, she spied a letter over the bed. With trembling hands and a terrible sense of premonition, she read....   Dear Mom;Please don't be mad, but I eloped with my new boyfriend. I finally found real love and he is so nice Mom, with all his piercings and tattoos and his big Harley. Not only

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-1147269622539081272006-05-10T06:59:00.000-07:002006-09-03T07:57:04.320-07:00

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months after my marriage, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-1098059404330113952004-10-17T17:30:00.000-07:002006-05-24T20:50:17.016-07:00

Once a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for some  money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money. Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, "I do not have money, But if you tell me what  you want

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-1133239874904584022005-11-28T20:51:00.000-08:002005-11-28T20:51:14.956-08:00

Pedro was driving down the street in a sweat because  he had a very important meeting and could not  find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, please take  pity on me. If you find me a parking space I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila!" Miraculously, a parking space appeared.... Pedro looked up again & said, "Never mind Lord, I

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-1130151873533496792005-10-24T04:04:00.000-07:002005-10-24T04:04:36.500-07:00

Friends of Women: A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend's apartment overnight. So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none of them confirm that she was with them. Friends of Men: A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-1129714694999724432005-10-19T02:38:00.000-07:002005-10-19T02:38:15.056-07:00

A single guy decides life would be more fun if he had a pet. He went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for its house.He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-1128594889348162472005-10-06T03:34:00.000-07:002005-10-06T03:34:49.410-07:00

The young father was pushing the crying baby down the street with what appeared to be absolute calm and self-assurance. People on the street could hear what he was saying as he passed. "Take it easy, bittu," he said. "Don't let it get you down, bittu, you will soon be safe back home. Things will be all right, bittu, if you just keep calm." One motherly type woman waiting for a bus, heard and

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-1128501820527218072005-10-05T01:43:00.000-07:002005-10-05T01:43:40.600-07:00

Passengers on a plane are waiting for the flight to leave. The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilot uniforms. Both are wearing dark glasses. One is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start. The passengers begin

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-1127821327721419752005-09-27T04:42:00.000-07:002005-09-27T04:42:11.066-07:00

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest,may I smoke while I pray?"But the Priest says,"No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-1127202889271032202005-09-20T00:54:00.000-07:002005-09-20T00:54:49.323-07:00

A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order   to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions: 1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T". 2. How many seconds are there in a year? The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered... 1. The

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-1127118985650631372005-09-19T01:36:00.000-07:002005-09-19T01:36:25.703-07:00

Hypothetical situation where 20 executives board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft.Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their company's software is running the aircraft's automatic pilot system.Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-1125039816780692072005-08-26T00:03:00.000-07:002005-08-26T00:03:36.820-07:00

The wife stands in front of a mirror."you know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror & I see an old woman, ace wrinkled, fat legs & flabby arms" She turns to her husb & says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself." He says in a soft voice,"your eye sight is perfect"

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-1124879049504081832005-08-24T03:24:00.000-07:002005-08-24T03:24:09.536-07:00

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?""Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association. It was great.""Wow! What was the name of the clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a 

msktag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740035.post-1123241708062775272005-08-05T04:35:00.000-07:002005-08-10T11:29:11.033-07:00

Husband: Sweety, instead of my salary I will give you 5000 kisses. OK! Wife: Fine dear. Then I will give 250 kisses to milkman, 500 to servant, and 200 to dhobi.............

msk